• Shelby McDaniel

Dissecting a Poorly Written Email

Email marketing is a great tool. However, it can get really tricky really fast. I received an email around midnight the other night and it got me wondering why someone would send an email like this. While this person took the time to email me personally, the tone and subject was way off.

A note: company names and personal information has been omitted for obvious reasons.

Here is the subject line:

Not only does this sound super spammy, it automatically makes me want to put it in the spam folder without opening it. Ideally, a subject line should be 30 characters or less to be optimized for mobile devices. Placing the subject line in all caps also is reminiscent of spam email tactics. A simple, clear message is ten times more effective than the example above.

Next, we have the body of the email:


Let's take this line by line.

The introduction: Hello stranger, what's my name? If you feel comfortable soliciting me via email, at least use my name.

The 2nd line: Why do I want your pre-roll cones? What makes them different from other brands? How are your introductory prices different from your regular prices? Why should I care?

The third line: Are you a middle schooler? Did you not pass English class? Using slang like lmk is okay in certain situations such as brand tone (this was not the case) or if you have a casual relationship with the person you are sending the email to (nor was this).

The Thank You: Seriously, who are you, dude?

The additional information: It's like this person put in the least amount of effort possible. Is the paper bleached or unbleached? What does the pre-rolls look like?

Not pictured: A poorly designed infographic that contained too much company information to show.

The bottom line is this is a terrible sales pitch. By making it impersonal and vague, it sends a message that they do not care about establishing a relationship with a potential customer.

Email marketing can be a powerful tool to help build relationships with customers. However, there is an art form to it. By using emails like this one as a learning opportunity, you can avoid the same mistakes.

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